you feel that a lonely day belongs to you?

There are some days in which I would like to be relaxed and spend some time by myself. However, there are other days in which I am not alone but I feel as if I were. Those days in which an uncanny feeling fills my eyes with tears and everything seems to be negative. Bad and sad memories have no reason to appear but they are there, as a path leading me down to a blue feeling. It is difficult to explain why that happens to me, but there is always a little glimmer shining at the end of the tunnel which helps me to withstand the circumstances. And when I see the little sparkle, good memories and present moments fill my soul and all the negativity goes away! I cannot deny the fact that bad things have happened to me but there are much more good and positive things that cheer me up! I have promised myself not to lie to myself, to smile more, and to enjoy every single moment and every little thing! I´m proud of myself not only for the family I have (my children, mom, dad, brother, sister, relatives, friends,etc.), but also for the effort and positive feelings that are inside me and nobody will ever kill!  I will say that LIFE  is not easy but it is not IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE IT HAPPILY! 

we keep on trying the same dull thing expecting a different resoult!?

Once, twice, three… even a  hundred thousand times we keep on doing a stupid thing expecting a different result.  This reminds me of my birthday:

Every year since I was four my sister and I celebrate our birthday at the same time (we were born exactly the same day but my sister is 4 years younger than me) . People who are relatives and come to our party every year know that they should sing the birthday son saying my name first and then my sister´s: happy birthday GISE y ANA happy birthday to you!!!!- Ha!-  But they always commit the same mistake!!!  (That’s bothers me a lot) Usually, I try to coordinate them with the lyric but it is almost impossible… What is more, generally MY friends know that is OUR birthday and they bring two presents – one for each- However, my sister’s friends NEVER remember me!!! And I keep on insisting that My friends shouldn’t bring presents to my sister!!!  (silly of me)

I have resigned myself to accept the fact that the situations won’t change! This has been happening for about 24 years and it hasn’t changed…  It’s funny but sad at the same time! I do want everybody to sing the song correctly -ha!- and of course I would love to receive extra gifts!!!

we always conserve our childish spirit?

Many times I have wondered if I am too childish for my age. I am quite naïve and childlike and I believe so! The problem is that I don’t want to lose it because that makes me feel young and alive. But the question is: should I lose it? Or can I conserve it?

I know that those are aspects of my personality and I don’t want to change them. But I’m trying not to be so demonstrative in front of “special” or unknown people or in any place; this is because they look at me as if I were mad or sometimes I feel that they laugh at me and not about my jokes! And it is not very funny. However, I have many reasons why I want to be originally me. I will keep on going with that!

As a conclusion I think that the secret of feeling happy is to enjoy life as much as possible but as a child does: exploring, smiling and laughing. Stop suffering and think it as part of a learning process!

What do you think? Will you change?

we feign happiness all the time?

Nothing better than being happy isn’t that true? But do we have the right to feel sad?

It is almost impossible to be happy all the time; and it is almost impossible to show happiness all the time. However sometimes we tend to hide our real feelings in order to avoid questions, and to make other people feel uncomfortable.

When that happens to me sometimes I feel as if I have no right to feel sad, bored or angry. People start asking: what happens? What’s wrong with you? Are you ok? Did I do something to you? And many times I would prefer to be alone in silence with nobody near me. What is more if I just answer: “everything will be OK, I don’t feel good today but it will be ok”, I want those people to listen to me and respect my silence. Of course there are other moments in which I just need a hug or a word or maybe I expect something special from someone who is special for me. In spite of the fact that I am or I am not in the mood, I am not pretty sure if I could feign happiness all the time. Could you?